Reminicing?

I'm really starting to miss martial arts. Ever since I quit, there have always been bits and parts of it that I've missed, but it's only recently that I've been really thinking about it. I miss training, tricking, and the whole passion I had for it the entire 4-5 years I've actively participated in. I remember last week during the Homecoming rally that I was sitting next to Ronald. The breakers we performing and one of them was a tricker.

Ronald: "Aye, I miss tricking. Let's go back."
Me: "I know, forreal. I hella miss doing all those kinds of things."

It's not just tricking that I miss doing, though. So many other things... Karate/TKD was my way of taking out the energy inside me, instead of keeping it bottled up. It was the one thing I took pride in, the one thing I believed to be actually good at, and I'm being straight-up. Before I ever took karate, I never thought I was useful in doing much. Then when it came along, it was my satisfaction in life. Seriously, I really took pride in what I was doing. Best tester for most of my color belt exams, high praises from all my instructors, lots of under-belt achievements, then even "Best Overall Tester" for my first degree black belt test. I'm really not trying to be cocky or anything, but this was seriously the only thing I really took pride in. But after my black belt test, things really started to go down. My favorite instructors have gone and left, the best students (way better than me and ones I got closest to the most) all began to leave, and things all began to change to a setting I really wasn't comfortable with. I tried to not let it get to me, I even took the job as an instructor. But there were too many missing pieces and I couldn't handle it, so I ended up just not going anymore.

From the school's letter of concern:
"...you are a great asset to this school, and it is so unfortunate that we are unable to understand why you wish to quit. You are one of the best students in Berryessa, and also a great instructor. It saddens us that you're leaving a legacy unfulfilled..."

Honestly, I don't think it's really been that long since I quit; I know that it's been longer for Ronald. But whenever I felt the urge to, I'd go and visit WC Berryessa just for the hell of it. I'd see what things have changed, what things have stayed the same, and whoever was still there. But whenever I saw BKJN Brenda, I'd always just bounce. Haha, fuckin' bitch. Right now, though, the urge is more than just visiting. I really want to become active again. I left because everything changed and everyone left. But I made the mistake of leaving behind my passion.

The fall black belt test is coming up, and I really want to go and support. The only person I know that's testing is Kevin, but I really want to feel that spark again of being in the environment that I missed. Who knows, that spark might just be big enough for me to actually come back and train again.